Monday, June 3, 2013

//Freedom to Live.

It's been a few weeks since I've blogged & I really never meant for that to happen.
I went to blogging five days a week to three.
Then from three to about two but usually one.
Then it went to one every other week.
I have been reflecting A LOT lately. 
I have really been discovering who I am & what I want out of life.
I know right now where I am is not all I want.
Marriage & friendships aside everything else I would like to change.
I know there is more to life than this & surely God hasn't forgotten about me.
Sometimes I think He has though. 
I'm down here writing SOS in the sand waving my hands up to the big clouds desperately trying to get His attention & screaming, "Help me! This can't be a part of the plan!"
Oh, but it is. 
This season of breaking me into a million pieces & wanting to rip my hair out is a part of the process.
You see Jesus needs to break me first before He can use me for His glory.
He is reminding me I am not in charge & I have to trust Him.
Oh that word trust how I loathe you.
I have become very bitter to that word.
I'm learning though & in process I am angry.
It hurts me sometimes that people make me feel like I am not allowed to be angry with God or anyone for that matter.
I AM allowed to feel angry towards God & to people who hurt me.
This doesn't mean my walk with God is falling apart it means I'm learning & trying to understand & trying to TRUST.
Something I have a very hard time doing.
I am letting God hold me right now even though I don't want to be.
I am learning & I need that freedom to do so.
For now that includes not updating my blog as often. 
It includes me using my time to learn, grow and reflect.

"I'm trying Lord. Help me to trust you & your plan for my life."
Love Forever,
Chel Chel
P.S. I am still wanting to do a beaty giveaway. I still check my blog often even though currently I am not writing as often. Follow me on Bloglovin. At 30 I will be doing a giveaway.
To all of you who do read, I appreciate you.

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