This year has been a season of growth, humility, sadness, anger, joy and mostly just a lot of change in a short period of time.
For the sake of time, feelings and assumptions I'm not going to share much of what I have gone through in great detail. I won't sugar coat my feelings but I'm not out to write down my thoughts in a vengeance.
I'm going to start my timeline in the summer. This was when a fast paced amount of change entered my life. Andrew and I were faced with many difficulties, decisions and a bit of fear of what God held for our future.
We were serving in Concord, California at a large church & my home church of the past sixteen or more years.
Andrew was the Tech Director. He ran the audio, lighting and media department. He did an extraordinary amount of work and really went above and beyond to keep a large church running every weekend.
We were faced with a tough decision.
I want to pause and say I feel sad that a good amount of our church family probably felt we just up and left. That we jumped on a new opportunity and just ran away with it. This was not the case and this is really the only point I want to make very clear. Many aspects were thrown at us that were beyond our control and if we had it our way our resignation would have been more clearly communicated.
Our time limit was coming to a very fast close. We were told his job was ending with no set reason and no set time frame. We knew in our hearts much earlier than this that we weren't going to be here forever and that was because Andrew knew he was supposed to be a worship leader. Music is something so deeply rooted in him and a clear gift from God to him. With that said we knew eventually we would move on. However, what we didn't know is that we would be faced
with that choice so soon.
We were given the opportunity to come to Washington to lead worship under dear friends and our Pastors Brian and Andrea.
We knew this was the right choice, the right place and a total leap of faith. Not all the small details made sense but that's not how our God works.
I was fearful but excited for the opportunity ahead. It was a place to start over, work under amazing leadership, and a place for Andrew to finally use his gift of music.
Quite a lot else was happening in between all this. A lot of unexpected hurt and betrayals but I believe it was really the enemy trying to get my focus off of what God truly had for Andrew and I.
I've come to this place where I have sure confidence in Jesus. This confidence knowing that He is there for me and will provide for me. I used to seek such counsel and approval in other people. Longing for their blessings. I think it was this control I had in me that if I pleased everyone then I was doing my part. The problem that arose though was me putting in effort and not receiving much back. It became hurtful and my strong loyalty to relationships became overlooked. I consider myself a good communicator and I struggled when I realized not everyone can do that as easily as it comes to me.
As I look back now I can see the bigger picture. I can see how God was weeding certain aspects out of my life. Allowing me to go through things that I just could not understand at those moments but seeing now the amount of growth and health taking place in Andrew and I. You don't realize how unhealthy your environment gets until you're out of it and can look back. Our spirits were both being suffocated by so many different parallels in both of our lives.
I can say now were the healthiest we have ever been. We're in a place where we are allowed to be ourselves, be creative and dream big.
Moving from our home state wasn't easy and we are still trying to figure out how to make it all work. I love being a part of Hillcrest Church and l look forward to growth, deepening our roots in Christ, and starting our family here! Which with hardship comes joy and we can't wait to meet our little one in May!
I'm happy to be able to feel free enough to write again. I've had so much built up in me and to write in the thick of things would have only produced anger and more hurt. I encourage you when you're in a season of life that seems so negative and is weighing you down to really step back and allow God to bring you through it. Allow yourself to have faith enough to give up that tight grip of control. It can be a very unknown and sometimes scary place but a very freeing and positive place once you do.
"I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word."Psalms 130:5
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