( I know he looks a bit cradled here. Little thing kept burrowing down!)
(Last Picture I took pregnant)
These last six weeks have been life changing. Every mom can tell you all the things you hear before having a baby but you can't understand it until after the baby actually comes. My whole life has been so flipped upside down & it's been joyful but also so overwhelming fearful too.
(Look at that grumpy face!)
I always try to keep my life open, honest and real. I don't want people to peek in my life and just see a tiny Instagram square with just my highlighted life. I think sharing the best moments are amazing and fun but I like to share the not so fun too because let's be honest, sometimes you wonder if someone else is going through the same things you are or if you're just totally crazy.
I posted a photo on my Facebook not long ago and just expressed how being a new mom felt to me. "Mama loves you Liam and I know together everyday we will figure it out."
I got an overwhelming response in a few directions. Some moms reached out and told me they went through the same emotions when they became new moms and were there to encourage me. New moms like myself reached out publicly and privately and just said a big, "Thank you!" for just being real and open and knowing that none of us are alone. Some offered advice, some wanted to cry together and mostly family and friends just out poured their loving thoughts.
(This was the fourth onsie I put on him that day. He kept peeing everytime I changed his diaper)
(This was taken after he blew out of his diaper)
I knew entering motherhood wouldn't be easy but I never knew how emotional, draining and consuming it would be. So many ups and downs and twists and turns. I literally can be hysterically laughing one second, screaming the next, crying and then happy all over again. You really would think I was just completely insane but I promise I'm not.
And diet coke.
Just kidding I don't do crack, but in all seriousness sometimes I feel like I'm on some sort of trip.
Actually, slings help. Here is my small stash!
Anyways, as I enter each day I know it will hold something different. My life is in moments and taking it hour by hour sometimes minutes by minutes. I enjoy the good and know the bad won't last forever. That babies change so much so fast that each phase is like a blink of an eye.
(He woke up about twenty minutes after I snapped this and just wanted to be held)
(all smiles that morning after a night of constant nursing)
Liam has already started to teach me so much about myself. More than I could ever put into words. My life has changed for the better even if sometimes I ask myself, "Why in the world did I do this?!" I can't give this one back at the end of the day but I would never want too either.
(I was actually in a really bad mood in this picture but he was holding his head up like a champ so I snapped as many pictures and lived in the moment)
(He screamed about ten minutes after I took this and wouldn't nurse for about an hour until he was cooled off and calmed down.)
To any new mom, I get it. You're not alone. You're not crazy. At 3am when your sweet baby is so upset and you feel like there's no end in sight and you just cry to, I get it. When you look at that baby and just ask yourself, "How in the world am I going to do this?" God have us women such deep emotions and I know it's so we can love and take care of these sweet babies. Take everyday one moment at a time. Cry if you need too. Grab some coffee. Hold those babies close. We can't do it alone. I know I keep trying everyday to do it alone and it takes an army to raise babies. Know you're loved, you're a good mom and you're doing the best you can. That's what I keep telling myself at least. Or people do when I forget. Which is like everyday!
(loves snuggling next to me & I can't get enough of it)
(Liam was actually crying here and Andrew was trying to get him calm to go to sleep.)
Liam, I promise to love you unconditionally. When you smile, when you're upset, when you're hurt, when you're angry, when the days comes where you're mad at me, I'm still going to love you. I never ever knew a love this deep existed until you came. Your mama loves you and together everyday we will figure it out.
(True genuine smile. He was happy this day!)