// Over the moon for mama

( I know he looks a bit cradled here. Little thing kept burrowing down!)

(Last Picture I took pregnant)

These last six weeks have been life changing. Every mom can tell you all the things you hear before having a baby but you can't understand it until after the baby actually comes. My whole life has been so flipped upside down & it's been joyful but also so overwhelming fearful too. 

(Look at that grumpy face!)

I always try to keep my life open, honest and real. I don't want people to peek in my life and just see a tiny Instagram square with just my highlighted life. I think sharing the best moments are amazing and fun but I like to share the not so fun too because let's be honest, sometimes you wonder if someone else is going through the same things you are or if you're just totally crazy. 

I posted a photo on my Facebook not long ago and just expressed how being a new mom felt to me. "Mama loves you Liam and I know together everyday we will figure it out."

I got an overwhelming response in a few directions. Some moms reached out and told me they went through the same emotions when they became new moms and were there to encourage me. New moms like myself reached out publicly and privately and just said a big, "Thank you!" for just being real and open and knowing that none of us are alone. Some offered advice, some wanted to cry together and mostly family and friends just out poured their loving thoughts. 

(This was the fourth onsie I put on him that day. He kept peeing everytime I changed his diaper)

(This was taken after he blew out of his diaper)

I knew entering motherhood wouldn't be easy but I never knew how emotional, draining and consuming it would be. So many ups and downs and twists and turns. I literally can be hysterically laughing one second, screaming the next, crying and then happy all over again. You really would think I was just completely insane but I promise I'm not. 

Coffee helps. 

And diet coke. 

And crack. 

Just kidding I don't do crack, but in all seriousness sometimes I feel like I'm on some sort of trip. 

Actually, slings help. Here is my small stash! 

Anyways, as I enter each day I know it will hold something different. My life is in moments and taking it hour by hour sometimes minutes by minutes. I enjoy the good and know the bad won't last forever. That babies change so much so fast that each phase is like a blink of an eye.

(He woke up about twenty minutes after I snapped this and just wanted to be held)

(all smiles that morning after a night of constant nursing)

Liam has already started to teach me so much about myself. More than I could ever put into words. My life has changed for the better even if sometimes I ask myself, "Why in the world did I do this?!" I can't give this one back at the end of the day but I would never want too either. 

(I was actually in a really bad mood in this picture but he was holding his head up like a champ so I snapped as many pictures and lived in the moment)

(He screamed about ten minutes after I took this and wouldn't nurse for about an hour until he was cooled off and calmed down.)

To any new mom, I get it. You're not alone. You're not crazy. At 3am when your sweet baby is so upset and you feel like there's no end in sight and you just cry to, I get it. When you look at that baby and just ask yourself, "How in the world am I going to do this?" God have us women such deep emotions and I know it's so we can love and take care of these sweet babies. Take everyday one moment at a time. Cry if you need too. Grab some coffee. Hold those babies close. We can't do it alone. I know I keep trying everyday to do it alone and it takes an army to raise babies. Know you're loved, you're a good mom and you're doing the best you can. That's what I keep telling myself at least. Or people do when I forget. Which is like everyday! 

(loves snuggling next to me & I can't get enough of it)

(overtired baby!)

(Liam was actually crying here and Andrew was trying to get him calm to go to sleep.)

Liam, I promise to love you unconditionally. When you smile, when you're upset, when you're hurt, when you're angry, when the days comes where you're mad at me, I'm still going to love you. I never ever knew a love this deep existed until you came. Your mama loves you and together everyday we will figure it out. 

(True genuine smile. He was happy this day!)

Love Forever, 

Chel Chel 

//My birth story

Liam was born on May 29,2014 and came into the world weighing 6 pounds 15 ounces and 21 inches long. He came out looking like a clone of my husband Andrew. I couldn't believe my eyes when they placed him in my chest after a very long and scary 38 hour labor.

It was May 28 at 3:45 in the morning when my water broke. This was his due date so I was ecstatic he was coming right on time! My husband and I did all the fun wives tales of trying to get this little guy out. My doctor told me the previous day that I was not dilated at all and was completely closed. If something didn't happen by the next week they would induce me and possibly have to do a c-section if that didn't work. My biggest fears were coming true or so I thought.

I wasn't one hundred percent my water broke so we waited 30 minutes and sure enough I was still walking around dripping like a faucet. We called our families to let them know the good news! My contractions started coming on so we grabbed our bags and off to the hospital we went.

It was about 5 in the morning when we got to the hospital. They checked us in and I was checked by a nurse to confirm my water did break. They also took my vitals and blood pressure. My blood pressure was really high. I thought well maybe I'm nervous I'm sure it will be fine. 

They took us to our room where we would stay and deliver. I started having stronger and more frequent contractions. They asked me about a million times if I wanted drugs. I refused and wanted to really try to have a natural birth. 

They keep taking your vitals and blood pressure and mine wasn't going down only up. However my pulse was good. My doctor came in and told me I had preeclampsia. ( Preeclampsia causes the blood vessels to constrict, resulting in high blood pressure and a reduced blood flow that can affect organs in your body, such as your liver, kidneys, and brain.) 

This could mean I could have a seizure during delivery and also put Liam's life at risk if I didn't get my blood pressure under control soon. 

Most women who get this it will show up later in pregnancy. Mine didn't until I was in labor. 

They put you on this awesome ( insert big sarcasm here) drug called Magnesium which makes all your muscles relax (great for contractions right?) and you feel hotter than the Sahara Desert. That stuff was awful. Then they put me on Pitocin to keep me contracting. I felt so awful at this point. I still didn't want an epidural so they gave me a drug similar to morphine. Bad idea. I felt even worse! Before that drug I contracted without pain meds for 14 hours. 

I eventually got the epidural because I just couldn't stand knowing this labor could last into the next day. Which it did, so I am happy I decided to get it. I was able to sleep that night which was much needed. 

I labored a total of 38 hours before Liam entered the world. My husband and his parents went to grab dinner at the cafeteria in the hospital. I was 7 cm dilated so they thought they had plenty of time. Within minutes after they left I told Andrew's grandma,who stayed with me, that I really felt like I needed to push. We called the nurse back in and I was at a 10cm! Andrew's grandma told them to hurry back up. I was so ready to get Liam out. I pushed for 45 minutes and he was out! My doctor was busy that day so he had another doctor he worked close with who would deliver. She was stuck in traffic and made it literally right after I pushed Liam out. It was the triage on call doctor that barely made it in with one glove on to deliver Liam. I was so done that I couldn't hold Liam in any longer. Sorry to the doctor who barely caught my kid! Opps!

Liam came out perfect! No breathing issues just very tired from the magnesium as well. It was a beautiful moment. Andrew's parents were able to be there as well as his grandma. Andrew's mom face timed my mom in during the birth so she could be apart of it. Our dear friend Andrea was also there to assist in anything we needed and to capture many pictures. I was so grateful to have everyone there.

We were told we had to stay in the hospital at least another 24 hours so that the magnesium could lower my blood pressure. We ended staying until Saturday afternoon. It wasn't ideal but it was nothing I could have prevented. I am now on way more medications than I ever thought I would be in my life. They are hoping to wean me off the blood pressure medicine but I am hoping not to get stuck on it for a very long time. My future pregnancies will now most likely have this issue. It's frustrating but there's nothing I could have done to prevent it. God has it under control and I have to trust in that. 

At the end of the day we were blessed with the most precious gift and I am thankful for the team of doctors, nurses and medicine that helped deliver him into this world. It wasn't what I had planned but then again now having Liam nothing is really planned anymore and I wouldn't change that for anything. 

Love Forever,

Chel Chel